🧩 Case Study 1 – The Reactive Partner

Background Summary

Marissa and Tom have been married for 18 years and recently began discussing divorce.
Marissa describes herself as “emotionally expressive,” while Tom says he “walks on eggshells” to avoid arguments.
They’ve agreed to mediation to discuss financial division and living arrangements.

From the start, Marissa appears anxious but polite. When Tom calmly mentions selling their house, her tone shifts.
She accuses him of “abandoning the family” and bursts into tears, saying he’s “ruining her life.”
When the mediator gently redirects the discussion, Marissa interrupts repeatedly, claiming Tom never listens and that “he always wants to make her look crazy.”

Tom’s body language closes off — arms crossed, eyes down.
He avoids responding, which only intensifies Marissa’s distress.
The room becomes heavy with tension as her emotions rise from fear to anger within minutes.

Conflict Trigger

Tom’s mention of selling the family home activated Marissa’s abandonment fear.
The idea of losing her environment — and the symbolic loss of family stability — triggered deep emotional panic masked as anger.

Observed Behaviors

  • Emotional volatility: rapid shifts between tears and rage.

  • Accusations and overgeneralizations (“You always do this,” “You never cared”).

  • Interrupting and escalating when redirected.

  • The partner withdraws (freeze response), which further fuels panic.

Mediator’s Objective

De-escalate the immediate emotional reaction before returning to problem-solving.
The goal is not to “fix” Marissa’s emotions, but to restore emotional safety so both parties can communicate again.

Recommended Mediator Strategies

✅ 1. Grounding Acknowledgment
Use calm, validating statements to reduce perceived threat:

“Marissa, I can see this feels overwhelming. Let’s slow down for a moment. I want to make sure both of you feel safe before we continue.”

✅ 2. Boundary Pacing
If emotional escalation continues:

“Let’s take a short two-minute pause. We’ll come back to the discussion once everyone can breathe again.”
Pausing signals respect and structure.

✅ 3. Neutral Reframing
Shift language from blame to focus:

“It sounds like keeping a sense of stability is really important to you, Marissa. Let’s explore what stability could look like, with or without the house.”

✅ 4. Supportive Silence
Silence can allow self-regulation. Avoid jumping in too quickly to explain or justify.

Reflection Questions

  1. What emotional driver (fear, shame, control) do you believe dominated Marissa’s reaction?

  2. How might the mediator’s calm acknowledgment help reset the session?

  3. What alternative phrasing could the mediator use if validation feels too personal?

  4. If you were Tom, what body language or tone could reduce escalation without withdrawing?

Instructor Notes (For Your Certification Course)

  • This case represents borderline-style emotional reactivity — the hallmark is fear of abandonment disguised as anger.

  • The mediator’s success depends on emotional containment, not logic.

  • Ideal for group discussion or short video role-play:

    • Version A: The mediator reacts defensively → conflict escalates.

    • Version B: The mediator regulates tone → emotional safety returns.

Learning Goal

Participants learn to:

  • Identify emotional triggers in real time.

  • Apply calm, boundary-based de-escalation.

  • Recognize that emotional regulation precedes resolution.