Welcome to Mediation & Mitigation Solutions
Orientation & Guide – How to Use This Site and Where to Start
What This Place Is
If you’ve landed here, chances are you’re dealing with conflict, emotional exhaustion, or a situation that feels bigger than anything you were ever prepared for. You might be facing a divorce, living with a high-conflict person, recovering from emotional chaos, or trying to figure out how to help someone you care about.
Mediation & Mitigation Solutions exists for you. This is a place to learn, stabilize, and move forward with more clarity — without being pushed into decisions you’re not ready for or sold services you don’t need.
How This Site Is Organized
Think of this site as a navigation map with three main paths, plus some extra support along the way. You don’t have to use everything. You just have to find the one path that makes sense for where you are right now.
1. DIY Divorce
For people navigating a California divorce who want education, structure, and tools to handle as much as possible on their own—without handing their entire life over to attorneys.
2. Coaching & Recovery
For people living with or healing from high-conflict relationships, narcissistic behavior, bipolar dynamics, coercive control, or long-term emotional wear and tear.
3. Training & (Future) Certification
For people who want to better understand high-conflict dynamics, support others, or eventually become certified in mediation or related skills.
Where Should I Start?
You don’t need to explore the entire site before you begin. Use these simple starting points:
- Start with DIY Divorce if you’re actively in a divorce or about to file—and you want to understand your options, reduce legal fees, and avoid avoidable mistakes.
- Start with Coaching & Recovery if your main concern is emotional stability, relationship dynamics, or recovering from long-term conflict or emotional abuse.
- Start with Training if you want education and skills—either for your own life or to help others, now or in the future.
If you’re not sure where you fit, that’s completely normal. Most people arrive here in a fog. Start anywhere that feels like relief—not pressure.
What You Can Expect Here
This is not a traditional law office, and it’s not a therapy clinic. It’s a hybrid space focused on education, communication, and stability.
- Plain language. No legal jargon, no clinical speak.
- Realistic tools. Strategies you can actually use in real situations.
- Respect for your pace. No pressure to decide everything right now.
- Honesty. We don’t sugarcoat—but we also don’t catastrophize.
- Boundaries. We stay in our lane and refer out when needed.
How to Use the Lessons, Videos & Tools
Many people who arrive here are tired, overwhelmed, or in crisis. The materials are designed so you can move at your own pace.
- Scan first. Skim the main hub page (DIY Divorce, Coaching & Recovery, or Training) to see what’s available.
- Pick one small step. One video, one article, one worksheet—something you can finish in a single sitting.
- Reflect. Ask: “What did I learn?” and “What does this change for me?”
- Apply gently. Try one or two ideas in your real life, not everything at once.
- Repeat when you’re ready. Come back for the next piece once you’ve absorbed the last one.
You are not behind. Wherever you’re starting from is exactly where we begin.
Important Boundaries & Disclaimer
Mediation & Mitigation Solutions provides coaching, education, and conflict-navigation support. We are not a law firm or a mental-health clinic.
- We do not provide legal advice or represent you in court.
- We do not diagnose or treat mental-health conditions.
- We may refer you to attorneys, therapists, NAMI, DBSA, or other resources when appropriate.
If you are in immediate danger, or someone else is, please contact local emergency services or a crisis hotline in your area.
Your Next Step From Here
You don’t have to do everything. You just need to decide what would help you most right now.
If you’re in divorce or considering it:
Start with the DIY Divorce Hub to understand your options, avoid common mistakes, and reduce unnecessary legal fees.
If you’re emotionally overwhelmed or recovering:
Visit the Coaching & Recovery Hub for support around narcissism, PTSD, coercive control, and long-term conflict.
If you want to learn or train:
Explore the Training Hub for education on high-conflict dynamics, mediation concepts, and future certification pathways.
Still Not Sure Where You Fit?
That’s okay. Confusion is part of being in the middle of a storm. If you’re still unsure, you can:
- Read the About Us page to understand who we are and why this exists.
- Use whichever hub description feels closest to what you’re living.
- Reach out with a brief description of your situation if you’re considering coaching.
Assets & Debts – Start Here
Before you talk about support, parenting time, or settlement options, you need a clear picture of what you own and what you owe. This section helps you list your assets and debts, understand the difference between “mine,” “yours,” and “ours,” and get organized for mediation or a DIY settlement. The goal is progress, not perfection. You can mark items as “unsure” and come back later.
Understanding Community vs. Separate Property (California – Plain English)
California is a community property state. That means the law usually looks at your stuff in two main buckets: community property and separate property, plus a middle category where things are mixed.
1. Community Property (usually split 50/50)
Community property is what either of you acquired during the marriage. It usually belongs to both of you, even if it’s in just one person’s name. Examples:
- Income either spouse earned after the wedding
- Retirement contributions made during the marriage
- Houses bought with marital income
- Cars, furniture, tools, appliances bought during the marriage
- Credit card balances built up during the marriage
- Loans taken out to support the household
- 401(k) or pension growth during the marriage
- Tax refunds based on income earned during the marriage
It usually doesn’t matter whose name is on the account, who “paid more,” or who used it more. If it was acquired during the marriage, it is often treated as community property.
2. Separate Property (belongs only to one spouse)
Separate property generally includes:
- Anything you had before marriage (car, savings, retirement, etc.).
- Gifts or inheritances given to only one spouse, even during the marriage.
- Things bought with separate money (for example, using premarital savings to buy something).
- Income and assets after a true Date of Separation (when you really separated and intended to stay that way).
3. Mixed Property (a mix of community & separate)
Many things are part community, part separate. Examples:
- A retirement account that started before marriage but grew during the marriage.
- A house bought before marriage but paid with marital income.
- A business started before marriage but built with both spouses’ efforts during the marriage.
These items often have a separate portion and a community portion. A mediator or attorney can help untangle this. For now, your job is just to list the item and, if possible, mark that it may be “mixed.”
4. When You’re Not Sure
If you’re unsure whether something is community or separate property, that’s okay. In the organizer below, you can mark an item as “I’m not sure”. The important thing is that the item is listed. You can always ask for help later.
5. Why This Comes Before Support & Parenting
Support (child or spousal) depends on income, debt, and each person’s ability to pay. Parenting schedules may depend on whether each parent can realistically afford housing and transportation. That’s why we start here. Once you can see the full financial picture, everything else becomes easier to discuss.
Start Here: Simple Checklist
Your first job is just to list things. No one is grading you, and you do not need exact values yet.
- List all assets in your name.
- List all assets in your spouse’s name.
- List all assets in both names.
- List all debts (yours, theirs, joint).
- Mark “Unsure” if you don’t know the type or value.
Guided Worksheet (for rough notes)
Use these boxes if you prefer to write things out in your own words before entering them in the organizer below.
Real Estate (home, land, mobile homes)
Example: Family home at 123 Main St (joint), vacant land in Red Bluff (spouse’s inheritance), mobile home on rented space.
Vehicles (cars, trucks, RVs, trailers, motorcycles)
Example: 2015 Toyota Camry (joint), 2001 Ford Ranger (before marriage, separate), 2018 travel trailer with loan.
Bank Accounts & Cash (checking, savings, apps)
Example: Credit union checking (joint), savings in your name, Venmo or PayPal balances used for family expenses.
Retirement & Investments
Example: Your 401(k), spouse’s pension, IRAs, brokerage accounts, company stock, crypto.
Debts (credit cards, loans, taxes, medical)
Example: Joint credit cards, personal cards, car loans, HELOC, IRS debt, medical bills, family loans.
Notes to Mediator / Facilitator
Use this to flag anything confusing, disputed, or worrying you (for example: “I think my spouse moved money” or “We disagree about whether the house is separate or community.”).
Interactive Assets & Debts Organizer
Use the left box to enter assets (things you own) and the right box to enter debts (things you owe). The organizer will total everything and remember your entries in this browser.
Add an Asset
Assets are things you own or partly own (house, car, accounts, tools, etc.).
Add a Debt
Debts are things you owe (credit cards, loans, tax debts, etc.).
Summary Snapshot (Educational Only)
These numbers are rough estimates only. Courts use formal disclosures and, in some cases, appraisals or experts. This tool is just to help you prepare and stay organized.
Items You’ve Entered
No items yet. Use the boxes above to start building your list.
DIY Divorce Resource Center – Start Here
This Welcome & Orientation page is the starting point for your DIY divorce journey. If you're working through this process on a tight budget, you’re in the right place. Begin by using the tools in this Resource Center — the Parenting Plan Builder, Support & Budget Planner, Mediation Toolkit, Co-Parenting Wizard, and more. Each tool is designed to help you stay organized, reduce stress, and avoid unnecessary attorney fees. Once you’ve completed the steps that apply to your situation, return to this page and use the Binder Builder at the bottom. With one click, it will combine everything you’ve created into a clean, printable packet you can use in mediation or for court filing. This keeps you in control, moves your case forward, and helps avoid mistakes that cost time and money.
Step 1: Work Through the DIY Tools
- Complete your Parenting Plan Builder (schedule, holidays, exchanges).
- Use the Support & Budget Planner to understand your money picture.
- List issues and build an Agenda in the Mediation Toolkit.
- (Optional) Run the Co-Parenting Wizard for a draft parenting schedule.
Your work is stored in your browser on this device. You can come back and make changes anytime.
Step 2: Come Back Here to Build Your Binder
- Scroll down to the Ready-to-Submit DIY Binder section.
- Enter your case caption and “Prepared by” information.
- Choose which sections to include (parenting plan, money notes, agenda, co-parenting summary).
- Click Compile Preview to see your packet.
- Use Print → Save as PDF to create a file you can take to mediation or court.
You can rebuild the binder as many times as you need while your situation or agreements evolve.
What you’ll need before you begin (helpful, not required)
- Basic information about your marriage (dates, children’s names and ages).
- Rough ideas about income, rent/mortgage, and monthly expenses.
- A calm time and place where you can focus without interruptions.
- Optional: a notebook or digital notes app to jot down questions for later.
Don’t worry if you don’t have everything perfect. These tools are meant to help you think through your situation, not to judge or grade you.
If you get stuck, feel overwhelmed, or want a second set of eyes on your DIY work, you can book a low-cost mediation or coaching session. We’ll walk through your binder, flag potential problem areas, and help you prepare for mediation or a self-represented court appearance — without turning your case into an endless legal battle.
Before You Use This Support & Budget Tool
This is a do-it-yourself planning tool. It is not legal advice and it does not replace the official California child support or spousal support calculators.
The goal is to help both of you see:
- What money is coming in for each of you every month.
- What your basic living costs look like in two separate homes.
- How the children’s needs can be covered in both homes, especially where they spend the most time.
- What range of spousal support might be realistic after looking at your real-life budgets.
Use this tool to start a calm, honest money conversation. Bring your results to mediation so you can talk about what is possible and fair, instead of arguing over numbers that don’t match real life.
If at any point this feels confusing or overwhelming, consider booking a low-cost coaching session so we can walk through the numbers with you. We still do not give legal advice, but we can help you understand the options you may want to discuss with a mediator or attorney.
How to Understand These Calculator Results
• How much money each parent brings home every month • What it realistically costs for each of you to live in your own home • What the children’s basic needs cost in both households • Whether one parent has more room in their budget to help support the children • How different the two adults’ take-home incomes are, which helps estimate spousal support
The goal is not to decide who is right or wrong. The goal is to help you have a calm, honest conversation about:
• What is financially possible • How the children can be supported in both homes • How to keep both households stable • What a fair agreement might look like before you ever step into a courtroom
These tools help you prepare for mediation. They do not replace the official California calculators, and they are not legal advice.
Support & Budget Planner (Educational Only)
Leave this box unchecked if there are no minor children. Check it if you want to add a simple child support calculator.
How this page works (start here)
This page is a planning tool for pro se couples. It is not legal advice and it is not the official California guideline calculator. It is meant to help you talk about numbers in mediation.
- Fill in the incomes and basic expenses for Spouse A and Spouse B.
- If you have minor children, check the box above to open the Child Support section.
- Use the Spousal Support and Two-Household Budget sections to see what feels realistic.
- Click “Run All Calculations”.
- Click “Copy Summary for My Binder” to paste the results into your notes or DIY binder.
Children’s needs come first. This tool is designed to help both of you see what is possible in real life, not just on paper.
1. Spousal Support (Educational Estimate)
How to use this spousal support section
This section gives a very simple estimate based on the difference between your net (take-home) incomes. Courts use their own software and legal rules. This is only to help you think about a starting point for talks in mediation.
Steps:
• Enter each spouse’s net monthly income (after taxes).
• Enter the length of the marriage in years.
• Adjust the factor slider (0.10–0.40) to see low / mid / high ranges.
Spouse A
Spouse B
What does the adjustment factor mean?
The adjustment factor shows how much of the income difference becomes spousal support.
• 0.10 – 0.20 = lower-range support (shorter marriages, closer incomes, tight budgets)
• 0.25 – 0.30 = mid-range support (common starting point in many talks)
• 0.35 – 0.40 = higher-range support (longer marriages, large income gap)
This is only an educational estimate. Judges can order more, less, or no spousal support at all.
3. Two-Household Budget Check
How to use this budget section
After separation, each person has their own rent, utilities, food, and other costs. This section helps you see:
- How much money is left for Spouse A after basic expenses.
- How much money is left for Spouse B after basic expenses.
If one person ends up deeply negative every month, that can be a sign that the support number needs to be adjusted. This is not financial advice, but it is a helpful reality check.
Spouse A Budget
Spouse B Budget
Reminder: This page is for education and planning. It does not replace the official California guideline support calculators, legal advice, or court orders.
Co-Parenting Wizard (Educational Only)
Answer a few simple questions and this wizard will suggest a parenting schedule pattern and co-parenting guidelines you can copy into your Parenting Plan, mediation notes, or DIY Binder. This is not legal advice or a court order.
How this Co-Parenting Wizard works
- Children’s ages and school needs
- Distance between homes
- Work schedules and overnights
- Conflict level between parents
- A schedule pattern (for example: 2-2-3, week-on/week-off, or primary + alternating weekends)
- A summary paragraph you can paste into a parenting plan
- Simple communication rules to reduce conflict
Step 1 – Child Basics
Ready-to-Submit DIY Divorce Binder
This tool pulls together your key DIY work (parenting plan, money notes, mediation agenda, and co-parenting summary) into one printable package. You can review it, then use your browser’s Print → Save as PDF to create a file for mediation or filing. Educational only – this is not legal advice.
How this binder works
- You fill in the case caption and “Prepared by” line below.
- The binder tries to pull content from other DIY tools on this site:
- Parenting Plan preview (Parenting tools)
- Money / Support notes (Budget & Support tools)
- Mediation agenda (Mediation Toolkit)
- Co-Parenting Wizard summary (if you used it)
- You click Compile Preview and review everything in one place.
- When ready, use your browser’s Print → Save as PDF to create a copy.
Cover Information
Include These Sections
If a section is empty (for example, you never used that tool), the binder will show a short note so you know it’s missing.
Mediation Readiness Mini-Quiz
Answer honestly. This is not legal advice—just a quick self-check.
1. I feel physically safe meeting or communicating with the other party.
2. I have basic access to financial information (income, debts, major assets).
3. I’m willing to brainstorm options instead of “winning at all costs.”
4. I can keep communication mostly civil if there’s a neutral third person.