Help & Safety

Domestic Violence — And False or Weaponized Allegations

Domestic violence is extremely serious and must always be treated that way. Many people experience real harm, fear, and coercive control. Those cases deserve protection, advocacy, and trauma-informed care.

But there is another reality: in high-conflict divorces, especially when mental health instability, narcissistic behavior, or control tactics are present, some individuals misuse restraining order systems (like DVTROs) to gain leverage in litigation, custody, or finances.

Most attorneys are not trained in mental health-based manipulation tactics. If you believe you are the target of a false or weaponized accusation, mediation may not be the right process for now. You may need a legal advocate who understands narcissistic abuse dynamics, DARVO, and tactical allegation patterns.

Even if mediation isn’t appropriate, we offer PTSD recovery coaching, emotional boundary support, and conflict-stabilization strategies to help you stay grounded during the legal process.

DV vs. High-Conflict Behavior — What’s the Difference?

Domestic Violence (DV) and high-conflict behavior can sometimes look similar from the outside, but they come from very different places — and the right next step depends on understanding the difference.

Why This Matters Before You Choose Mediation

• Mediation only works if both people have enough emotional and physical safety to speak openly.
• If there is DV, mediation is often unsafe — safety and legal protection come first.
• If the issue is high conflict, structured mediation may help calm the cycle.
• Some situations involve both emotional volatility and coercive tactics — these require extra caution.
• Narcissistic behavior, gaslighting, or extreme reactivity can make the line between the two hard to see.

Understanding these patterns doesn’t excuse harmful behavior — it helps you choose the safest and most effective path.

Quick Safety Plan Checklist

If you feel unsafe or emotionally overwhelmed, these steps can help you stay grounded and protected.

• Identify a safe place you can go if things escalate.
• Keep important documents somewhere only you can access.
• Let a trusted friend know what’s happening.
• Use a safe phone or computer if someone monitors your devices.
• Know local shelters and hotlines (listed above).
• Plan how to exit safely if needed — physically or emotionally.
• Trust your instincts: if something feels unsafe, it probably is.

Coercive Control — 15-Item Checklist

Coercive control is a pattern of behavior that slowly removes your freedom and sense of self. Check off anything that feels familiar. Even a few items can signal a serious concern.

• They monitor your phone, messages, email, or social media.
• They control or closely track how you spend money.
• They interfere with your work, income, or career decisions.
• They isolate you from friends, family, or support systems.
• They threaten to take the children or “destroy” you in court.
• They repeatedly accuse you of cheating, lying, or “being crazy.”
• They punish you with silent treatment, withdrawal, or stonewalling.
• They use your mental health, faith, or past trauma against you.
• They mock or dismiss your feelings when you’re upset.
• They rewrite history and insist their version is the only truth.
• They use anger, yelling, or intimidation to shut down your voice.
• They force you to explain or “prove” normal decisions.
• They make you feel like you’re “walking on eggshells” most of the time.
• They threaten self-harm or dramatic actions if you leave or set boundaries.
• You feel smaller, more confused, and less “like yourself” than you used to.

This checklist is not a diagnosis. It’s a lens to help you notice patterns. The more items that fit, the more important it is to talk with a DV advocate, therapist, or trusted professional about your safety and options.

Narcissistic Abuse — Red Flag Chart

These patterns are common in narcissistic or high-control dynamics. You don’t need all of them for your experience to be real.

Narcissistic abuse often leaves people confused, exhausted, and full of self-doubt. Recovery is possible — but you don’t have to do it alone.

PTSD Recovery & Emotional Stabilization Coaching

If you’ve lived through long-term emotional abuse, coercive control, or high-conflict relationships, your nervous system may be stuck in survival mode. You might feel jumpy, numb, hyper-alert, or completely drained — especially during divorce or custody battles.

Our PTSD Recovery Coaching is not therapy and not legal advice. It’s practical, trauma-aware support to help you:

• Understand what your body and mind are going through.
• Learn simple grounding tools you can use during conflict, hearings, or mediation.
• Build emotional boundaries so you’re less reactive to attacks or manipulation.
• Create a step-by-step recovery plan that honors your story and your pace.

You don’t have to “just tough it out.” Support is available, even if you’re not ready for traditional therapy or can’t afford a full legal team.