Module 2
Coercive Control: The Hidden Framework of Psychological Abuse
Coercive control is the invisible architecture of abuse — a pattern of domination, manipulation, and fear designed to break down your autonomy and sense of self. It can be subtle, gradual, and extremely confusing, which is why survivors often don’t realize it’s happening until they feel trapped, exhausted, or depleted.
1. What Is Coercive Control?
Coercive control is a pattern of behavior used to dominate another person — emotionally, mentally, financially, socially, or physically. It is less about single incidents and more about a web of tactics that gradually erode a person’s freedom.
The goal of coercive control is not always to “hurt” someone — it is to control the environment, the narrative, and the emotional reality of the other person.
People trapped in coercive control often say:
- “I feel like I’m losing myself.”
- “I walk on eggshells all the time.”
- “I can’t make decisions without worrying how they’ll react.”
- “I'm constantly apologizing, even when I did nothing wrong.”
- “I don’t recognize who I am anymore.”
2. The 15-Item Coercive Control Checklist
If you recognize several of these, you may have been subjected to coercive control. Survivors often experience a combination — not always all 15.
- Monitoring your phone, email, or social media
- Controlling finances, access to money, or spending
- Isolation from family, friends, or support systems
- Gaslighting — making you question reality
- Micromanaging daily activities or decisions
- Unpredictable anger, mood swings, or silent treatment
- Threatening self-harm, abandonment, or consequences
- Constant criticism, belittling, or humiliation
- Jealousy or accusations without basis
- Controlling clothing, appearance, or activities
- Withholding affection, approval, or basic kindness
- Using children as leverage or emotional weapons
- Creating dependence (“You can’t make it without me”)
- Rewriting history or denying past agreements
- Forcing you to follow their rules… but they follow none
3. Subtle Signs You May Have Missed
Not all coercive control looks like “abuse.” Sometimes it looks like:
- “I’m just trying to protect you.”
- “You’re too emotional, let me decide for you.”
- “If you loved me, you would…”
- “I know what’s best, you overthink everything.”
- Making you feel guilty for needing rest or boundaries
- Keeping the household calm by controlling everyone’s behavior
- Belittling your accomplishments in subtle ways
These patterns chip away at self-esteem until the survivor questions their own judgment, abilities, and sense of reality.
4. Real-World Examples
Coercive control often hides inside normal life. Here are examples many survivors recognize:
Example 1: “I need to know where you are at all times.”
→ Framed as “safety,” but actually monitoring.
Example 2: “Why do you need friends? I’m all you need.”
→ Isolation disguised as intimacy.
Example 3: “I didn’t say that — you’re imagining things again.”
→ Gaslighting for control.
5. Reflection Exercise
Take time to reflect or journal your answers:
- Which of the 15 coercive control items did you recognize?
- How did these behaviors affect your sense of freedom?
- Which tactics confused you the most?
- How has coercive control changed the way you think, feel, or react?
Worksheet: Identifying Coercive Control Patterns
A downloadable worksheet will be available here soon. This tool helps you map out patterns clearly and safely.
Ready for the next lesson?
Continue to Module 3: Gaslighting & DARVO →📘 Download: Coercive Control Worksheet
This guided worksheet helps you identify coercive control patterns, subtle manipulation, and emotional withdrawal cycles. It includes reflection prompts, boundary exercises, and next-step planning.
Download PDF Worksheet📘 Download the Module 2 Workbook
This fillable PDF workbook guides you through identifying coercive control patterns, DARVO events,
communication manipulation, and restoring clarity and personal safety.
Your notes remain fully private — nothing is shared with anyone unless you choose to.
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