Module 1

Understanding Trauma: What Happened to You, Not What’s “Wrong” With You

Trauma is not just the event — it is your nervous system’s response to overwhelm, fear, and emotional harm. This module helps you understand why you reacted the way you did, why healing can feel slow, and why nothing about your experience is “your fault.”

1. What Trauma Really Is

Trauma is anything that overwhelms your ability to cope. It’s not about “how bad” the event looks from the outside — it’s about how your mind and nervous system experienced it. Emotional and psychological trauma can come from:

  • Chronic conflict, yelling, threats, or unpredictability
  • Gaslighting, manipulation, or coercive control
  • Long-term fear, hypervigilance, or walking on eggshells
  • Abandonment, stonewalling, or emotional withdrawal
  • Growing up in unsafe or high-conflict households
  • Major life losses, betrayals, or traumatic events

Trauma is your body protecting you — not failing you.

2. Your Nervous System and Trauma

The nervous system has several built-in responses to threat. None of these responses are chosen — they happen automatically and are meant to keep you alive.

🧠 Fight

Argue, push back, defend yourself.

🏃‍♂️ Flight

Distance yourself, shut down communication, withdraw.

❄ Freeze

Shut down emotionally, feel numb, unable to act or speak.

🤝 Fawn

Please, appease, over-explain, try to keep the peace — even at your own expense.

None of these responses are weaknesses — they are survival strategies created by your nervous system during overwhelming situations.

3. Common Trauma Symptoms

Trauma doesn’t just affect your emotions — it affects your body, your thinking, your memory, and your sense of safety. Symptoms often include:

Emotional Symptoms

  • Anxiety, panic, dread
  • Depression or hopelessness
  • Emotional numbing
  • Feeling “stuck” or frozen
  • Feeling constantly overwhelmed

Physical Symptoms

  • Racing heart
  • Digestive issues
  • Fatigue or insomnia
  • Tight chest or short breath
  • Flares of chronic pain

Mental Symptoms

  • Intrusive thoughts
  • Hypervigilance
  • Difficulty concentrating
  • Memory gaps or confusion
  • Feeling “checked out”

Relational Symptoms

  • Difficulty trusting people
  • Conflict avoidance
  • People-pleasing
  • Choosing similar partners repeatedly
  • Fear of abandonment

4. Reflection Exercise

Take a moment to reflect. You can write in a journal or simply think through your answers:

  • Which trauma responses (fight, flight, freeze, fawn) do you recognize in yourself?
  • When did you first notice them?
  • How has your body tried to protect you?
  • What emotions come up when you think about “what happened to you”?

Worksheet: Understanding Your Trauma Responses

Once your downloadable PDF is ready, it will appear here. You can print it or fill it out digitally.

Worksheet download coming soon.

Ready for the next lesson?

Continue to Module 2: Coercive Control →